GLENDALE, ARIZONA (The Borowitz Report)—Robert F. Kennedy Jr. endorsed Donald J. Trump on Friday night in order to lend “much-needed sanity” to the GOP campaign, the former third-party candidate said. “You spend any amount of time with Trump and you realize he’s a whack job,” Kennedy told reporters. “I decided that somebody needed to tell him to get a grip.” Stating that he hoped to be “the voice of reason” in the Trump campaign, Kennedy ticked off a list of the Republican nominee’s obsessions that he called “just plain nuts.” “Windmills, sharks, Hannibal Lecter,” Kennedy said. “And why does he keep exaggerating about how big his crowds are? I would never lie about the size of my worm.” |